RVA Parenting: It's tough to let go

Published: Oct. 16, 2017 at 3:28 PM EDT|Updated: Oct. 17, 2017 at 4:15 PM EDT
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(WWBT) - By Tara Gray

Tara Gray is a stay at home mom in Hanover. She says she was a mom in her heart before she became one. Tara enjoys any opportunity to get outside as a family and likes to go to places such as Carytown, Colonial Beach, Belle Isle, or a picnic in Maymont.

As mothers, it is so easy, second nature and natural to love your child. What is not easy or natural is letting go gracefully as they become adults. Still very much your child, slowly realizing that they have their own life. I am just recently trying to find the balance of falling in the background but very much wanting to be part of her life.

We all experience many emotions as a mom, however, don't get too comfortable just when you may feel like you have felt them all, you blink and your child is an adult. We must accept and understand if we want our relationship to evolve and grow we must treat our adult children as adults. For me, this the person that just happened to be the baby that could only fall asleep laying on my chest.

This is new to me, and I am feeling new emotions as a parent of an adult child. For example, life moments, occasions in her life that I have nothing to do with. The future of our adult relationship is exciting. When we get to know our children as adults, our adult children will hopefully get to know us as adults too. You are no longer the person that holds them accountable, lectures, disciplines, or gives your opinion on every aspect of their life. A person beyond "mom". Our relationship with our children is always changing. From each stage of life. Clearly, our work is not done, just a different type of work.

How do we get out of mom mode? As the parent of an adult, it is an exciting time. There is always a curve ball thrown. A new challenge, whether good or bad. Conquering one life hurdle or celebrating a life moment as the parent is part of the process. Letting them experience life when you are not in control or the main go-to person in their life becomes a reality.

At one point and time, we all must gracefully let go. I would like to say to all the parents of adult children, I am now one of you. Loving and guiding very quietly in the distance but still in my heart I am her mom first and foremost and finding the happy balance is the hardest thing I have had to do as the mom of an adult child.

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